


It Hurts But I Won't Fight You

by ennasofia



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Depressed Stiles, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Kind of a Happy Ending, M/M, Mentions of previous Malia/Stiles, Post-Nogitsune, Sexual Content, Stiles Doesn't Believe He Deserves Love, kind of established relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-24
Updated: 2015-02-24
Packaged: 2018-03-14 23:01:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,028
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3428732
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ennasofia/pseuds/ennasofia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Stiles and Derek have been having a "friends with benefits"-type of relationship when Derek starts to show some signs of love and Stiles feels the need to break it off.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It Hurts But I Won't Fight You

**Author's Note:**

> Hi!  
> This is my first post ever so please be nice... And English is not my first language, mistakes might appear, if you find any just tell me and I'll fix it.
> 
> This was at first just a PWP but I wanted to add a bit to it so that it wouldn't leave anyone wondering and I personally like to read a bit longer fics even though this is not even next to long.
> 
> Comments are highly appreciated!
> 
> Title is from a song by The Neighborhood called Afraid.

Feather light touches from Stiles’ shoulders down to his waist. There's no sound around them, but they could hear each other breathing. It’s relaxing. Derek’s fingers touching his lover’s lower back, drawing meaningless shapes. Hand going flat against the hip, gripping it, turning Stiles to lay on his back. They look each other with serious expressions. Derek bends down to kiss the younger man firmly and then quickly drags his lips to the side of Stiles’ throat, hands creeping up the other man’s side, stopping at his ribs. It's still silent, they don't speak, they haven't in a while. He's not like he used to be, a while back they would have already been fucking at this point, hard and fast and unforgiving. Now Derek is all light kisses and tender touches and Stiles doesn't know how to feel about it.

Derek gets to a better position between his legs and starts to mouth his way down Stiles’ chest to his nipples. His tongue circles the nipple slowly, teeth scraping. Then Derek continues down Stiles’ stomach, stopping briefly at the belly button before going to mouth the waistband of the boxers the leaner man has on.  
Stiles’ fingers stiffen against the mattress and he’s breathing changes. The older man mouths at the erection in front of him through the fabric, then he moves so that he can remove the boxers off of his partner.

While Derek's lapping the bare hard length with his tongue he slips two slick fingers in. He does everything so smooth and easy, quiet like a thief in the night. Stiles hasn't touched him, not even once. Derek adds another lubed finger and Stiles can feel how easy it is for him to move in and out.

Smoothly like always he removes his fingers from inside the younger man’s hole and replaces them with his hard length. Stiles knows even before the handsome man above him bends down that he will try kiss him so Stiles does the only thing he can and turns his head to one side, exposing his neck to the wolf and hiding his face. Derek just presses his lips lightly below his ear.

"Please", he pleads quiet as me moves in and out in a steady, slow pace, "please don't do this."

Stiles hates himself. He knew Derek would come, he knew the older man would have sex with him and he knew Derek would try to love him. But Stiles is broken and Derek would just hurt himself with him.

"Stop that and fuck me like you mean it", Stiles mumbles with an angry tone as he grabs the sheets with his hand and lifts his hips to a better angle, trying to get Derek as deep as he can. And Stiles can feel the change in Derek. His hand comes to the side of Stiles’ face and Derek turns him to face him. They stare each other with serious expressions as Derek suddenly rams into Stiles with much more force than before, his jaw tightening. He’s angry. Derek pulls himself out and flips the younger man under him around, getting Stiles on his hands and knees. Then he closes his fist around Stiles’ grown-out hair and yanks back hard, making the man under him hiss from the sudden flash of pain.

"You don't want to watch my face, fine", He growls as he pushes back into Stiles too fast and too rough. Derek knows this position hurts Stiles if he has to take everything in fast but Stiles knows Derek wants it to hurt. He knows that Derek knows he has to make it hurt, now or never. So Derek pulls his hair as he fucks Stiles like he used to, hard, fast and unforgiving. His other hand going between Stiles’ legs, pressing against his hard cock without taking it to his hand.

Stiles breaths in uneven puffs as he tries to not fall over his hands, Derek’s own hand still tangled in his hair, pulling Stiles’ head back just slightly. The younger man’s vision goes blurry as his eyes get wet with tears but they don't roll down his cheeks. If he cries Derek will stop. And Stiles doesn’t want Derek to stop because he knows this is the last time.

Without a warning Derek starts to move his hand in the same pace as he’s fucking into Stiles and the younger one knows know Derek is close. Derek hits the sweet spot in him with every rough push and before Stiles realizes, Derek’s hands are bringing him over the edge and Stiles’ mouth opens to let out a silent moan. Then Derek lets go of his hair and presses his forehead between Stiles’ shoulder blades as he fucks into Stiles, reaching his own climax, mouthing the younger man’s back and breathing ragged. Derek pulls out and flops onto his back, catching his breath and swiping the sweat from his forehead.

Stiles gets of the bed, not looking at the older man as he pull his worn sweats on. He can feel Derek watching him, reaching for him but he can't stand the idea of the other man’s touch, he don't want to touch Derek and he don't want Derek touching him. They haven't spoken in a while but Derek always knew that Stiles was a broken toy because some toys just come out of the factory broken.

***

Derek should hate Stiles but Derek loves him.  
Stiles should love Stiles but he hates himself.  
But Derek?  
Derek Stiles should love and he does.  
Derek just can’t find out.

***

Stiles sits in front of his dining table, his hands pressed to his forehead, eyes tracing the lines on the table. He can hear Derek moving to the kitchen and sitting across the table. He can feel the other man’s eyes on him. Stiles is so scared of the next part because it is time for a talk.

”You know”, Derek states and Stiles knows that Derek knows that he knows what Derek is talking about. The younger man swallows and barely nods. Derek signs silently collecting his thoughts.

”I don’t understand you. You know I love you and I don’t think you would be in this with me if you didn’t have any kind of feelings for me. Stiles, why is it so hard with you, why can’t you just love me back, because I know you want to”, he speaks in a quiet, sad voice, watching the man he loves.

Stiles swallows again and bites his lip, not raising his eyes to meet Derek’s. 

”I hate myself.”  
”I know.”  
Sign.  
”But I don’t understand why you hate yourself.”  
”I’m fucked up, broken. You’ve been through enough shitty relationships, I don’t want to put you through another one.”  
”You wouldn’t.”  
”You don’t know that Derek. I know I would fuck it up.”  
Derek is silent for a while, trying to decide how he could make Stiles to realize he can’t run away from every good thing in fear of fucking up.

”I know you would probably fuck up in some point. I would fuck up in some point. Stiles, everyone fucks up from time to time but that doesn’t mean it’s not fixable. We could work through it together, we have before.”

For the first time after Derek sat down Stiles lifts his head and looks into his eyes. The serious look on the younger man’s face doesn’t suit him. Stiles looks older, worn down and tired. Derek doesn’t like the look on him, Stiles is usually so alive and hyperactive and hard to contain.

”What if I’m not fixable Derek? What if all we would have to fix is me and we both know that’s not possible”, he laughs in a hard and empty kind of way. Stiles is hurt, Derek can see it but he doesn’t know how to make it better.

”Derek, I haven’t been fine since… You know when I got like this, I don’t need to remind you.” And Derek does. 

Stiles had Malia so it wasn’t that easy to spot first but it started after the Nogitsune. Or actually even before that, after the sacrifice Scott, Allison and Stiles made. The Nogitsune just filled up that hole in Stiles for a while. Stiles being with Malia concealed it for a bit but then she took off and Stiles began to slip.

Derek knows he’s having nightmares about everything that happened to him, he knows because Stiles fell asleep on him once and woke up screaming twenty minutes later. Also Derek can smell Stiles is tired and depressed. 

”Like I said Derek, I’m a broken toy, I came out broken, no one can fix me”, Stiles says quietly.

”That’s not true, don’t try to bullshit me with that crap. You’re not broken, you just see that as an easy excuse”, Derek growls quietly as he stares the youger man angrily, ”don’t you get it Stiles, I fucking love you, even if I couldn’t fix you I wouldn’t care, I love you now, I love you, broken or not, why are you push me away”, he’s tone going quiet and pleading. Stiles can feel he’s eyes getting watery. He knows he’s hurting Derek and it hurts.

”I can’t Derek, you deserve so much more.”  
”Maybe. But what makes you think I want anything more?”  
”Because who would ever want to have a rock when they could have a diamond?”  
”I love you Stiles.”  
”You shouldn’t.”  
”Maybe. But I do.”

Derek gets up and goes around the table, stopping right in front of the younger man. He kneels so that he can look Stiles in the eyes. He doesn’t touch the man though because he knows it’s not something Stiles wants right now.

”We accept the love we think we deserve”, Derek whispers with a sad smile on his face, ”why do you think you don’t deserve it at all?”

”I don’t know”, he says as the first tear rolls down his cheek, ”why would anyone want a relationship with me, I know you can hear and smell me. You know there’s so much wrong with me, I’m not steady and you need someone who is.”

”I need someone who I love and who loves me, that’s all that matters, I can work with difficult, problematic and broken, I can work with whatever you think is wrong with you.”

”Derek…”, Stiles says voice breaking, ”I hate myself, you shouldn’t put up with that.”

Derek reaches to swipe his thumb across Stiles’ cheek, wiping the tears away. He knows Stiles doesn’t like touches because he associates it with love and affection and Derek knows he’s afraid of the idea of that. He then reaches up and plants a light kiss to the lips of his love. Derek feels the air coming out from Stiles’ mouth in a shocked puff. It’s a sweet and short kiss. When Derek pulls Stiles has closed his eyes, tears still on his cheeks and his brows pulled together.

”You could have anyone you wanted Derek. You are smart and you always put everyone else before you not to mention how you look. You are caring and kind. Don’t settle with me when you can have anything and anyone you want”, Stiles speaks with his eyes closed.

”I don’t know if you realize it but you just described yourself to me. Stiles, you’re smart, everyone knows it, it’s always you we ask for help with planning anything. You always think about others before yourself, this situation right here confirms it. You are caring and kind. Not to mention how you look. I see all that and more when I look at you”, Derek hums as he strokes Stiles’ cheek, ”please Stiles, please don’t do this. Let me love you."

Stiles' sobs, leaning to the other man’s hand. He loves Derek so much and it scares him.

”Maybe we both are broken in different ways”, Stiles laughs humorlessly as he wipes his tears away. Then he reaches to stroke Derek’s stubble. 

It isn’t a promise of forever but it’s a good start, Derek thinks as Stiles bends down to kiss his lips.


End file.
